Is life the problem or am i the problem ?
It’s been two years since the last time i write something. On 2020 i write something about the journey of my post-break up , and i stopped it after two posts (how lame rite?!)
I remembered some of my friends disappointed on me because i always come late whenever we have a plan to meet (they even labeled me as a “Flake”). About a couple weeks ago, my boss telling me that i always late to come to the meeting and he told me this
“I don’t need you to respect me, but please, respect yourself. Respecting yourself is the act of self love. I don’t get mad if you are always late, but i feel sorry that you are not even having commitments to yourself. By showing yourself a respect, commitment, and love. It means you are respect others, you are giving others a good impression. You don’t have to do everything at once, try step by step. If you cannot come 20 minutes earlier, please come on time at least. It’s better than never.”
Does it mean for the past of my life i do that over and over until it get used to on me. And become a habit ?. I never thought about how i have no self respect, how i thought that its not even a big deal. Until my boss told me like a slapped right on my face. I always think that i do my best, but my best is not even best. It’s worst, and i should try to admit my bad habits. I always blame the condition, until i forgot that i am the problem itself.
I tend too focus with something I couldn’t control and forgot to do self-reflection instead of complaining how my life is not goes the way i wanted, how this world is not even support me, or my life is messy. I realize that those things is beyond my control, the only thing could change is the attitude.
So here’s are my short term goals.
- i have no plan to write regularly, which means sometime i feel pressured when i decided to plan something. Either its about what i should do or what should i learn, I ended up bailed it, or making so many excuses to not do it. Well, i guess I’ll let it flow, so I won’t feel pressured by myself.
- More self-reflect
- Admitted my own fault is the act growing up
- Do it step by step
Dear me, i would like to say sorry to you since i cannot take care of yourself better. it’s okay to take one step at that time if you are feeling overwhelmed. it’s okay to admit your own mistake. Please treat respect yourself before you respect others. And please get out from your shitty habits. You are the one who could save yourself, and the biggest enemy is yourself.
Good luck on the journey to love yourself Muthia ! xx
